the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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