is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
