When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
