There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
did i just pee glitter
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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