I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sober January is a disaster.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
