evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
