Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
