seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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