you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
