dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
