I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
