The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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