i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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