The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
