3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
