I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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