If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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