i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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