Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
