I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
