Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
