so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
