How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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