My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
