Only a mothe r could love this liver
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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