So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
