So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
