I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
