So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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