Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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