Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
