I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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