I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
