I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
