Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
