her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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