Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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