do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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