You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
