I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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