so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
