Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
