I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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