I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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