You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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