Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
