speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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