the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
