What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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