No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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