Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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