You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
