Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
