I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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