should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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