alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
