I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
