Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
